Life is strange you know. It changes every single day. You also change everyday. I wrote my, previous piece about 2 weeks ago and when I read it now I don’t feel the same way I did then. Many things have changed from that day and it has been only 2 weeks! Although, this piece is incomplete I don’t want to leave it unread so I’ll quote that and write something more. Something which is on my mind at this moment and which was also unfinished then.
“Last time I wrote something about friendships. I must say that not much has changed since that time.. I only apologized to my friend from Scotland and said that I’m sorry but she seemed like she didn’t care about my apologies and.. about me… anymore. I don’t know… I hope we’ll catch up later, because now I’m resting. ( Btw, We’re having a great time now and it’s the past :p )
I like being prepared for everything, having schedules for all the week and I rarely make spontaneous decisions ( it changed recently in fact but I like that) , but sometimes we can’t predict everything, can we? . I’m sorry if for some people changing my mind is kind of a problem.. I really can do nothing about that. For instance, yesterday I was watching a film and eating ice-creams and I didn’t expect anything to happen. Suddenly my old friend came to me and said “ Tomorrow. 8 o’clock! You’re going with me to a lake for a week!” Considering that I haven’t been anywhere for about 5 years and that I recently haven’t spent much time with her I decided to go there, relax, forget about “dark reality” and have fun, but my other friends had a huge problem with that. Sorry but I also need some time for myself!
What I wanted to write in this piece is connected with my thoughts about life, dreams, thankfulness, regrets and wishes.
While I was driving in a car this morning, I looked through the window and I thought “ Poland isn’t that bad, is it? Besides those holes in roads about which everybody complains, but still, we are Polish! We should probably appreciate our country no matter what!” Then my dreamer-side “showed up” and another voice in my head said “ Yeah right. Poland isn’t bad? Pff… think about NY , London, Australia, other countries in Europe and all the places you’ve always dreamed about. They rock! “. After such situations I’m confused. I love Poland but as far as I can remember I have always dreamed about English being my first language and I wanted to be one of the girls from American movies. I wanted to be beautiful, brave, have stunning clothes and money for every single wish and those gorgeous boys !
On the other hand, I feel foolish when I don’t appreciate my life, because it can always be WORSE, can’t it ?! Think about other peoples’ problems.. Diseases, disabilities, troubles in work and private lives, wars, murders, accidents… don’t you feel strange when you compare small, everyday failures, teenagers’ problems and not having access to the Internet while you’re out of town to those most serious and unhappy matters ? Because I do feel stupid and selfish. How can we complain about awful weather, poorly dyed hair, an unfair ( often only we think it’s unfair) comment about our photo at some stupid portal or about not having a girlfriend or a boyfriend, while at the same time on the Earth so many horrible things are happening? The world is beautiful but also very cruel and we have to remember that. So why can’t be grateful for what we have, just enjoy little things and smile all the time ? I guess because the human race will always want more and more even if they already have almost everything!
The things which I mentioned here are related to “being yourself”. People are seldom happy about who they are, how they look, how they act in their lives and they are jealous about other people. Do you know anybody who has never wanted to change something about his or her life? Because I don’t.
I hate this feeling when even I cannot accept things I’ve done. I think we should be proud of ourselves when we did something great and ashamed when we made mistakes. “
And here is my unfinished thought which I have on my mind all the time. Mistakes. What about them ? Not that long ago I was afraid of making mistakes. I didn’t want to make them if I had known exactly what result they would have. But now even if know what can happen if I do something doubtful I want to try it out because there’re always two possibilities. It can go very wrong but it can also go right and maybe I’ll be happy about what I’ve done. If we don’t do what we want and if we always wonder about how things can go, we’ll lose a lot of time. It’s true that we should consider everything we’re going to do before we act but we can’t think about it too much, because first thoughts are the best and after every minute of thinking “maybe no, maybe yes” we have more doubts about our plans. Maybe it’s stupid, but I think people should sometimes forget about the consequences, just try to be themselves and live their lives as there will be no second chances.
Right now, when it’s 1 am, I can’t think clearly and my reflections are kinda’ messy I guess. So maybe that will be enough for today because anyhow I won’t be able to say everything I want to say during one night because it’s impossible. Next time I’ll try to write more clearly and to the point.
