Looking for the best way to go…
The first days are tough. I mean, every time when we do something for the first time we don’t know what can happen. It’s also related to first friendships, enchantments, choices in our lives, opinions which are different from others’ people's and even to trying out some new food and the like. In each situation you take risk and you never know how it will end up.
I wanted my first day of holidays to be something extra, fresh and different but I guess people can’t change their lives overnight. So I decided to slow down and try to put things together, because lately I’m a little bit confused about everything.
During the last 6 months my mind was totally away from reality. I dreamed every day, every night, every hour, minute, and second, which was very pleasant for me as I loooooooveeeee dreaming. However, it was also a huge waste of time in fact. What do I get from dreaming all of the time? Great feelings while dreaming but nothing else, because none of my dreams has come besides several delightful moments when I felt like “ Oh ,finally something nice happened” but they were just, maybe, 9 from
36479246479 of my perfect dreams to come true soon. That’s why recently I said to myself “ Stop! It’s time to live your life!” but trust me, sometimes it’s better to run away from your real life, those problems which make you feel upset and miserable and imagine the same things but 200% better, in your head.
Anyway, we can’t avoid problems all the time, can we? So my new idea is to get through them and when you feel valuable, start doing things you’ve always wanted to do.
Personally, I want to speed up with getting through problems and go straight to doing what I want. Today I cleaned my mind and I realized I have so many things to do! First of all, I have to see all my friends. While I was wasting time dreaming about stupid “loves” and things for which I don’t have money now( namely, traveling), I forgot how lucky I am to have such great people around me… I remember my girlfriends consoling me, saying that everything’s going to be all right and I feel stupid and guilty… Why did I neglected them ? They should be the most important! and I have to be for them too, not just for complaining how unhappy I am! I think I’ve just got to the point where I tell myself to care more about them. But honestly maybe I am overreacting a little bit after all. Because the truth is they ARE the most important for me. I really listen to them, help them and also console them as I do crazy things which always make them laugh. I just have too much of them…
Look. This morning when I decided to spend some time with my friends I didn’t know whom I should call first.. I spent last night at my cousin’s place and I had fun. During the last weekend I also spent time with him and his sister, which made me kinda’ unavailable for my friend from Scotland who I hasn’t seen since winter holiday and who wanted to see me after her arrival to Poland on Saturday… And what happened? Of course I couldn’t be there for her due to the fact that my cousins also needed me. I can’t be in two places at the same moment :( And it does happen all the time. I don’t want to brag or something…but everybody wants to see me.. and I’m not happy about that because I can’t do it and then they are mad at me. All I want is to make my dearest people happy but sometimes I can’t give it to all of them...
In recent past I spent most of the time with my schoolmates, which took me such a lot of time that I couldn’t meet my other friends. I really miss them. For example my best friend who I met 5 years ago while we were riding horses..She is very important to me, but school, our private lives, extra activities just don’t give us time to meet and talk like we used to do…
This whole situation is hard for me. I want everybody to be happy. I’m not saying this because I want to look like a great and perfect person... This is how I feel. This is my main aim in life. And if you think this is not true you can ask people who know me well.
Apart from those typical teenage problem I’m A very positive and active person, I guess. I want to do so many things during this summer and I wonder if 2 months will be enough for all of them! Let’s see… I want to : spend time with most of my friends, meet new people (or maybe it will be just another problem?) go swimming, run, ride a horse, ride a bike, play tennis, play volleyball, go to the gym, exercise every day to be fit, eat healthy food, read books, go to the cinema at least 4 times, go to a party, go to the seaside, learn for FCE exam, make a herbarium and blah blah blah… I think it’s too much already. And as I wrote at the beginning “Looking for the best way to go” I guess I wanted to ask myself What should I do first? How should I make a plan which will include all the points?
I know my writing is kinda’ messy and it might be hard to understand it but I haven’t cleaned my mind fully yet so my notes can be still chaotic for some time.. Maybe this “Throwing out thoughts” will help me to find the most appropriate way to go…
Btw. I'm leaving the city tomorrow for a week so read this two pieces and comment sometimes ;) Take care.
wtorek, 29 czerwca 2010
Holidays - new beginnig ?
Me and teenagers’ problems.
It's 11:08 pm. I decided to count the days of my perfect, cheerful holidays from tomorrow, so now I have about 50 minutes more of 'dark reality'. During the last 8 months I did things which, I think, every average teenager does in her or his life. I learned, spent time with friends, sat in front of the computer, did house chores and coped with things I considered ' hard not to worry about'.
Why are young people always concerned about small, stupid things that in fact, later, don't really matter? Does every teenager have that kind of problems? My first thought is : yes, they all worry about such small complications, but when I think about it more I can tell you ,NO definitely not! You don't know what I'm talking about? Here is the thing. It's about sex.
When you're a boy you don't care about anything. You just wake up, eat, do some things that help you get through the day, play computer games, eat, break somebody's heart and you just go to sleep with no pangs of conscience ! Ohhh I hate that! And you're right, I'm a girl.
Girls in my age are so.. hm I must say that : naive. When you're young you want to look perfect for boys, your girlfriends or for your "enemies" to piss them off. You want to be smart, intelligent and funny. Every day after school you have to go out, because if you don't do it you won't be popular. You have a perfect family, friends, grades, a fully developed virtual life in the Internet but something is missing... This is what you want the most at this moment of your life. 'True' Love. I don't' know if I'm right but I guess 95% of teenage girls want that. And you know what? I'll tell you that this is all LIE and it doesn't exist. Really. You want to know why? The answer is simple. Boys just aren't ready for love at this age( neither are girls, but they at least try to do something about that!), and we can't blame them for that. They're right when they say " This 'young adventure' (they mean love in girls’ language) won't survive" But why can’t they give it a try? Have some fun with another person? Are they scared? Nobody knows that, and nobody knows why when they already decide to hang out a little bit and when they send the signals which say "This is it. We're going to be very happy together", suddenly they run away and they leave you exactly at the same time when you wanted to launch out. !!!
I must admit that the feeling after such a situation is awful... You feel like this is the end of the world (I know this is a kind of overstatement but it's true!). You hate this person but in fact you want him to come back and you want to feel butterflies in your stomach again.
Usually people fall in love in spring and their 'hot romance' lasts the whole summer. They're happy. Then they fight, they break up, they kiss, they make up... and all those things make them happy and feeling alive!
Why do I care about it? And why do I compare my unhappiness to others' lives full of love ? I guess, because I want to feel it too. I want to feel happy. Especially after having waited for 'love', having found enchantment, having had butterflies in my stomach and finally after having had my heart broken by a careless teenage boy.
I said those were the last 50 minutes of "dark reality". I promise myself not to worry about small failures and just enjoy my life during the holidays. Now, what I want the most is to forget about things which happened lately and start a new chapter in my life with new "characters" and a new romantic plot.
So, let's the summer break begin!
It's 11:08 pm. I decided to count the days of my perfect, cheerful holidays from tomorrow, so now I have about 50 minutes more of 'dark reality'. During the last 8 months I did things which, I think, every average teenager does in her or his life. I learned, spent time with friends, sat in front of the computer, did house chores and coped with things I considered ' hard not to worry about'.
Why are young people always concerned about small, stupid things that in fact, later, don't really matter? Does every teenager have that kind of problems? My first thought is : yes, they all worry about such small complications, but when I think about it more I can tell you ,NO definitely not! You don't know what I'm talking about? Here is the thing. It's about sex.
When you're a boy you don't care about anything. You just wake up, eat, do some things that help you get through the day, play computer games, eat, break somebody's heart and you just go to sleep with no pangs of conscience ! Ohhh I hate that! And you're right, I'm a girl.
Girls in my age are so.. hm I must say that : naive. When you're young you want to look perfect for boys, your girlfriends or for your "enemies" to piss them off. You want to be smart, intelligent and funny. Every day after school you have to go out, because if you don't do it you won't be popular. You have a perfect family, friends, grades, a fully developed virtual life in the Internet but something is missing... This is what you want the most at this moment of your life. 'True' Love. I don't' know if I'm right but I guess 95% of teenage girls want that. And you know what? I'll tell you that this is all LIE and it doesn't exist. Really. You want to know why? The answer is simple. Boys just aren't ready for love at this age( neither are girls, but they at least try to do something about that!), and we can't blame them for that. They're right when they say " This 'young adventure' (they mean love in girls’ language) won't survive" But why can’t they give it a try? Have some fun with another person? Are they scared? Nobody knows that, and nobody knows why when they already decide to hang out a little bit and when they send the signals which say "This is it. We're going to be very happy together", suddenly they run away and they leave you exactly at the same time when you wanted to launch out. !!!
I must admit that the feeling after such a situation is awful... You feel like this is the end of the world (I know this is a kind of overstatement but it's true!). You hate this person but in fact you want him to come back and you want to feel butterflies in your stomach again.
Usually people fall in love in spring and their 'hot romance' lasts the whole summer. They're happy. Then they fight, they break up, they kiss, they make up... and all those things make them happy and feeling alive!
Why do I care about it? And why do I compare my unhappiness to others' lives full of love ? I guess, because I want to feel it too. I want to feel happy. Especially after having waited for 'love', having found enchantment, having had butterflies in my stomach and finally after having had my heart broken by a careless teenage boy.
I said those were the last 50 minutes of "dark reality". I promise myself not to worry about small failures and just enjoy my life during the holidays. Now, what I want the most is to forget about things which happened lately and start a new chapter in my life with new "characters" and a new romantic plot.
So, let's the summer break begin!
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